Premature ejaculation is the number one sexual disorder affecting men today. It is associated with broken relationships and sexual apathy- most men, lose interest in sex after repeatedly trying and failing.
As most men associate their sexual performance with their masculinity, prematurely ejaculating puts a great strain on our confidence and decreases our desire to pursue and enjoy sex and intimacy. About 70% of men have at one time or the other had issues with lasting long enough in bed, so if you fall under this category, have no fear as help is finally here!
What is Premature Ejaculation?
Premature ejaculation also known as early climax, rapid ejaculation or the ”one-minute-man syndrome”, is defined as a persistent or recurrent ejaculation, following minimal sexual stimulation, before, on or immediately after penetration. In simple terms, it is the inability to hold off climax till a time when both partners are sexually satisfied. A man is said to have P.E, if he frequently ejaculates during the first few thrusts; immediately he enters the vagina (before he even starts to thrust) or worse still, during foreplay.
Premature climax is in and of itself a vicious cycle. As an example, let’s say it’s been a while since you last had sex, your partner has been away for three or so months, you had been getting it off solo and she’s finally back! It’s been so long, you worry about how long you’ll last and you think about how many positions you can enjoy with her. She finally shows up…. And after 12 seconds and 3 thrusts, voilà! it’s over, she’s like ”what happened?”
You feel discouraged, you decide to give it a try once more but the fear of failing prevents you from lasting long enough, and on and on the cycle goes…
The question to be asked is, ‘Is there a standard number of minutes a guy should last for?” what duration can we accept as the standard in which anything below this can be considered as ”climaxing too soon”. Since women usually take longer to achieve full sexual arousal and orgasm, choosing a standard duration or time is quite impractical, hence, the benchmark for diagnosing P.E is a consistent failure to hold off climax till both partners are satisfied.
What are Possible Causes of Premature Ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation affects men of all ages, but is mostly experienced by younger men (below 40, usually). The reason for this is, as men age and their number of sexual experiences increase (not solo-sex), they get a hang of the stratagems that can help them delay ejaculation.
Some possible causes of P.E include, but are not limited to
- First exposure to sex or a long period of abstinence from sex: The excitement of having sex for the first time or having it after a long period of abstinence can make you ejaculate too quickly. Aside from this, there is the urge to ”get it right”, this urge shifts your focus from the pleasures of sex to the need to perform well enough. This would in turn generate a fear of future repeats leading to more and more premature climaxes till it becomes the status quo.
- Stress: Be it emotional, financial, physical, or mental, stress will ruin sex for you if you let it. Matters like relational issues between you and your partner can make sex difficult or even impossible for you both.
- Wrong masturbation technique: For the majority of us, when masturbating, our usual incline would be to go as fast as we possibly can so that we can get an ejaculation. Of course, this feels good, but repeatedly using this ”quick fix” technique, especially for newbies, will program our brain and wire our bodies to get off quickly even during sex.
- Anxiety over sexual performance: P.E occurs due to a shift of focus from pleasure to performance, most times, we worry about how we will perform or if our partner will enjoy having sex with us. Focusing on pleasing yourself and your partner can help deal with this.
- Medical causes include hormonal imbalance, chronic diseases, problems with your prostate, erectile dysfunction, smoking and side effects of some medications
How Can You Stop Ejaculating Before You Mean To?
As premature ejaculation involves ejaculating before you and your partner are sexually satisfied, there are two main strategies for dealing with it. They are
– Shortening the time your partner takes to achieve orgasm.
– By improving your ability to stay ”rock hard” and ejaculate after your partner.
To shorten the time, it takes for your partner to get an orgasm,
As all women are different, they all have different sexual preferences. Your partner may be one that almost never gets off or only does so if she is on top or in front of the man (in control); after external stimulation (oral sex or with the fingers); after some dirty talking; after some intense foreplay; with some hard thrusting; slow rhythmic sex or with some special positions
Your best bet would be to ask her about what she likes and how she likes it. If she is also a newbie or isn’t really sure, then be willing and kind enough to find her hot spots and help her achieve orgasm quickly. By making her go crazy with all your sexual maneuvers, it would no longer matter how long or short you last in bed as she would climax before you or you would both climax together.
To improve your ability to stay rock hard and ejaculate after your partner
–Wear one or more condoms as this would reduce the sensitivity of your penis and would help you last longer.
- apply penis creams, gels, sprays or take pills that will reduce the intense sexual sensation.
- Try the squeeze technique: If you sense that you are about to ejaculate, simply withdraw your penis from her vagina and let her squeeze your penis (the part just below the head) gently between her thumb and index finger for 20 seconds. Then she can let go and you can both resume pleasing each other. The technique can be repeated as often as necessary during sex.
- Be totally stress-free before and during sex and deal with psychological or relational issues
- Try the ”Stop and Start” method
The stop and start technique is very similar to the squeeze technique, the only difference is in the ”stop and start” technique, there is no need for squeezing the penis. You just withdraw your penis when you feel you are almost climaxing, wait for a few seconds and resume sexual activity when the orgasm fades.
Quick tip The pause in between can be used to change your sex position.
More tips can be found here.
- Use frequent Kegel’s exercise. This involves squeezing your pelvic floor muscles just like you would if you were trying to hold in urine. It can be done anywhere, avoid holding your breath during this. Do it 2-3 times a day.
- Have sex in different positions. Try changing from one position to the other, when you get the feeling that you are about ejaculating. Changing positions not only helps deal with premature climaxes, but also adds more spice and variety to the whole sexual experience.
- Breathe slowly during sex. Breathing deeply and slowly can serve as a distraction to you, it will help bring your arousal back down and will keep you in control.
- Repeat the sexual act – in most cases men last longer the second time. So if at first you don’t succeed… Try again, and again! Focus more on pleasing you and your partner than on performing well enough to impress her.
- Do not focus on the sex – try to think about something else for a while. Shifting focus right before climaxing can help prevent ejaculation. Think about something boring for better effect.
- Masturbate properly. When next you masturbate, slow down. Try a technique similar to the ”Stop and Start” technique, which would involve masturbating/stimulating yourself till you are just about to ejaculate, right before ejaculation, stop the rubbing, wait for a few seconds and continue rubbing. You can repeat this for as long as you can before finally be allowing ejaculation to take place.
Repeatedly using this masturbation exercise will help you to be in control of your ejaculation during real sex.
Last tip: Try masturbating and ejaculating 1-2 hours before sex. This will help to prevent premature ejaculation during the actual sex. After you have had your first ejaculation, you will be able to hold off subsequent ejaculations for longer periods during sex.