Dealing with Premature Ejaculation- Your Guide to Lasting Longer in Bed

Premature ejaculation is the number one sexual disorder affecting men today. It is associated with broken relationships and sexual apathy- most men, lose interest in sex after repeatedly trying and failing.

As most men associate their sexual performance with their masculinity, prematurely ejaculating puts a great strain on our confidence and decreases our desire to pursue and enjoy sex and intimacy. About 70% of men have at one time or the other had issues with lasting long enough in bed, so if you fall under this category, have no fear as help is finally here!

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What is Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation also known as early climax, rapid ejaculation or the ”one-minute-man syndrome”, is defined as a persistent or recurrent ejaculation, following minimal sexual stimulation, before, on or immediately after penetration. In simple terms, it is the inability to hold off climax till a time when both partners are sexually satisfied. A man is said to have P.E, if he frequently ejaculates during the first few thrusts; immediately he enters the vagina (before he even starts to thrust) or worse still, during foreplay.

Premature climax is in and of itself a vicious cycle. As an example, let’s say it’s been a while since you last had sex, your partner has been away for three or so months, you had been getting it off solo and she’s finally back! It’s been so long, you worry about how long you’ll last and you think about how many positions you can enjoy with her. She finally shows up…. And after 12 seconds and 3 thrusts, voilà! it’s over, she’s like ”what happened?”

You feel discouraged, you decide to give it a try once more but the fear of failing prevents you from lasting long enough, and on and on the cycle goes…

The question to be asked is, ‘Is there a standard number of minutes a guy should last for?” what duration can we accept as the standard in which anything below this can be considered as ”climaxing too soon”. Since women usually take longer to achieve full sexual arousal and orgasm, choosing a standard duration or time is quite impractical, hence, the benchmark for diagnosing P.E is a consistent failure to hold off climax till both partners are satisfied.

What are Possible Causes of Premature Ejaculation.

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Premature ejaculation affects men of all ages, but is mostly experienced by younger men (below 40, usually). The reason for this is, as men age and their number of sexual experiences increase (not solo-sex), they get a hang of the stratagems that can help them delay ejaculation.

Some possible causes of P.E include, but are not limited to

  • First exposure to sex or a long period of abstinence from sex: The excitement of having sex for the first time or having it after a long period of abstinence can make you ejaculate too quickly. Aside from this, there is the urge to ”get it right”, this urge shifts your focus from the pleasures of sex to the need to perform well enough. This would in turn generate a fear of future repeats leading to more and more premature climaxes till it becomes the status quo.
  • Stress: Be it emotional, financial, physical, or mental, stress will ruin sex for you if you let it. Matters like relational issues between you and your partner can make sex difficult or even impossible for you both.
  • Wrong masturbation technique: For the majority of us, when masturbating, our usual incline would be to go as fast as we possibly can so that we can get an ejaculation. Of course, this feels good, but repeatedly using this ”quick fix” technique, especially for newbies, will program our brain and wire our bodies to get off quickly even during sex.
  • Anxiety over sexual performance: P.E occurs due to a shift of focus from pleasure to performance, most times, we worry about how we will perform or if our partner will enjoy having sex with us. Focusing on pleasing yourself and your partner can help deal with this.
  • Medical causes include hormonal imbalance, chronic diseases, problems with your prostate, erectile dysfunction, smoking and side effects of some medications

 

How Can You Stop Ejaculating Before You Mean To?

As premature ejaculation involves ejaculating before you and your partner are sexually satisfied, there are two main strategies for dealing with it. They are

– Shortening the time your partner takes to achieve orgasm.

– By improving your ability to stay ”rock hard” and ejaculate after your partner.

 

To shorten the time, it takes for your partner to get an orgasm,

the-foreplay

As all women are different, they all have different sexual preferences. Your partner may be one that almost never gets off or only does so if she is on top or in front of the man (in control); after external stimulation (oral sex or with the fingers); after some dirty talking; after some intense foreplay; with some hard thrusting; slow rhythmic sex or with some special positions

Your best bet would be to ask her about what she likes and how she likes it. If she is also a newbie or isn’t really sure, then be willing and kind enough to find her hot spots and help her achieve orgasm quickly. By making her go crazy with all your sexual maneuvers, it would no longer matter how long or short you last in bed as she would climax before you or you would both climax together.

To improve your ability to stay rock hard and ejaculate after your partner

Wear one or more condoms as this would reduce the sensitivity of your penis and would help you last longer.

  • apply penis creams, gels, sprays or take pills that will reduce the intense sexual sensation.
  • Try the squeeze technique: If you sense that you are about to ejaculate, simply withdraw your penis from her vagina and let her squeeze your penis (the part just below the head) gently between her thumb and index finger for 20 seconds. Then she can let go and you can both resume pleasing each other. The technique can be repeated as often as necessary during sex.
  • Be totally stress-free before and during sex and deal with psychological or relational issues
  • Try the ”Stop and Start” method

The stop and start technique is very similar to the squeeze technique, the only difference is in the ”stop and start” technique, there is no need for squeezing the penis. You just withdraw your penis when you feel you are almost climaxing, wait for a few seconds and resume sexual activity when the orgasm fades.

Quick tip The pause in between can be used to change your sex position.

More tips can be found here.

  • Use frequent Kegel’s exercise. This involves squeezing your pelvic floor muscles just like you would if you were trying to hold in urine. It can be done anywhere, avoid holding your breath during this. Do it 2-3 times a day.
  • Have sex in different positions. Try changing from one position to the other, when you get the feeling that you are about ejaculating. Changing positions not only helps deal with premature climaxes, but also adds more spice and variety to the whole sexual experience.
  • Breathe slowly during sex. Breathing deeply and slowly can serve as a distraction to you, it will help bring your arousal back down and will keep you in control.
  • Repeat the sexual act – in most cases men last longer the second time. So if at first you don’t succeed… Try again, and again! Focus more on pleasing you and your partner than on performing well enough to impress her.
  • Do not focus on the sex – try to think about something else for a while. Shifting focus right before climaxing can help prevent ejaculation. Think about something boring for better effect.
  • Masturbate properly. When next you masturbate, slow down. Try a technique similar to the ”Stop and Start” technique, which would involve masturbating/stimulating yourself till you are just about to ejaculate, right before ejaculation, stop the rubbing, wait for a few seconds and continue rubbing. You can repeat this for as long as you can before finally be allowing ejaculation to take place.

Repeatedly using this masturbation exercise will help you to be in control of your ejaculation during real sex.

Last tip: Try masturbating and ejaculating 1-2 hours before sex. This will help to prevent premature ejaculation during the actual sex. After you have had your first ejaculation, you will be able to hold off subsequent ejaculations for longer periods during sex.

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How to Get Ready for the Perfect First Date and What to Talk About on Your First Date

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As we all know, first impressions count, as we can never have two first dates with the same person, your first date should be special and memorable for you both. Planning a first date can be a bit difficult especially as you are dying to impress the damsel that finally said yes!

Four important keys to having the perfect first date are planning, not stressing over it, being yourself and getting to know a little about your date (her likes and dislikes) beforehand. Even though people have different pictures of what the perfect first date should look like, here are a few tips that can help you make the time you’ll spend with your new catch memorable for you both and a few ideas on what and what not to talk about with her.

The Perfect Location.

Choosing the perfect location can be quite tricky as you may not know her preferences. Don’t be overly creative and try not to take her somewhere overly fancy or cheap (when choosing a restaurant for instance) and steer clear busy places with too much activity on the first date.

An easy way to go about choosing the perfect location would be to ask her about her likes and dislikes, if she is averted to fish, taking her to a place that serves only fish would be ruining your first date for you both. As the aim of going on first dates is to get to know your new catch and find out if you are both compatible, try taking her somewhere quiet, where you can both talk to and hear each other.

Also make reservations early enough and come up with back up plans, in case plan A does not work, you can fall back on plan B or even C. A few ideas include, going on picnics, miniature golfing, or to the movies followed by dinner (when selecting a movie, it’s best to go with something she’ll enjoy).

The Perfect Look

Your first date is always the time to dress to impress, try putting on something comfortable and dressing appropriately for the location, if you’ll both be picnicking, wearing a suit would be uncomfortable and simply wrong!

dressing-for-a-date

Try to look and smell as good as you can but do not suffocate her in the process by using too much or too strong products. Use some cologne, ensure you have fresh breathe, get a haircut and be as neat as you can be. All these should be crowned with some self-confidence as ladies find confident (not overly so) men highly attractive. Try not to slouch when sitting, standing and walking and most importantly wear a smile to complete the look.

The Perfect Timing

Be punctual, most ladies (not all) are known for being late, but as a guy, being right on time or a few minutes early is ideal as your lady will not enjoy waiting while you make a grand entry. Being late will also give her the impression that you are unserious about her or just plain unorganized and lazy.

Remember, there’s also something as being too early, especially if you’ll be picking her up, getting there too early will make her feel rushed.

Buying her flowers, can never be a bad idea (unless she is allergic to them), you do not have to buy her a ginormous bouquet of roses on your first date, ask about her preferences beforehand. Getting her flowers or some other gift would surprise her and leave her smiling throughout the rest of the date. Also concerning timing, your first date should be as short as possible, as long dates tend to get boring for one or both of you and making it brief will leave her yearning for more of you (longing to see you again)

The Perfect Gentleman.

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There are easy ways to be gentlemanly, they include holding the door open for her, pulling up her chair for her, helping her with her coat and complimenting her on her dressing, hair, smile or whatever you can genuinely compliment on.

When doing this, try saying something specific and not general, for example, ”I love your smile” or ”that gown looks amazing on you” rather than ”you look good”.

When complimenting her, do not, I repeat, do not do it too much as compliments lose their weight and intensity when used excessively plus you may come off as too desperate or needy when you repeatedly compliment her. Try to compose yourself, be confident, take deep breaths to reduce the stress or nervousness and enjoy the night as much as you can.

Other tips are- be courteous and do not raise your voice, call her a day or two days before the D-day to see if plans are still same and to tell her you are looking forward to spending time with her, hide your devices or put them on silent mode, take it easy with the liquor, chew with your mouth closed, do not speak till you’ve swallowed what is in your mouth and most importantly, be yourself.

The Perfect Kiss (or not)

During your first date, try to flirt in speech and in action, watch/observe her body language to see if she is okay with the flirting. Be confident but not overly so, maintain eye contact with your lady, hold hands, slightly and gently brush her shoulders. Like I said earlier, watch her facial expressions and body language so you don’t end up turning her off with all the flirting. To end the date, whether or not to kiss her and for how long can be tricky.

To play it safe, a light peck on the cheek always does the trick, she may surprise you by asking for a kiss on the lips- if so, give it to her, gladly but gently.

The Perfect Conversation.

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After everything else is in check, knowing what to say is usually the most difficult part of dates. The main idea is to be yourself and let things flow naturally, smile as often as you can and help your lady feel relaxed as this will also help her feel free and comfortable enough to speak. The aim of dating is to find out if you are both compatible and if you enjoy each other’s company and this can only be done by being your true self. There are a few ”no-no’s” that you should be aware of before you embark on this date.

You should NOT discuss topics related to religion, war, politics or past/ex- boyfriends or girlfriends on the first date as these topics have the potential of ruining dates.

Keep the conversation simple and interesting, try bringing up topics that you can both talk about, listen (and truly listen) more than you speak, laugh at her jokes and smile at her in between sentences and during those awkward pauses.

You can try asking her a few questions about her day, her hobbies or interests and have a sense of humor, make her laugh as often as you can. Try not to come off as boastful by bragging about yourself or your achievements, if you get tempted to do this, ask her to talk about herself instead, women love to talk and they love it when we listen to what they have to say.

The whole idea of dating is meeting someone, learning about them, finding out if you two are compatible and getting to know if there’s enough chemistry between you two to pursue something more.

Your first date should be fun!

Fun!!

Fun!!!

All the way, so as you plan, rid yourself of all negativities and pessimism and predefine to enjoy your time with your new catch. After your time together, remember to tell her you had a great time or call her up that night or the next day to tell her.

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