The issue of a decreased urge for sex is not uncommon in women. In fact, most women will attest that they have at one time or the other, experienced a decreased sex drive. Having a low sex drive only becomes a problem if her libido refuses to normalize after longer than expected. Women of all ages can be affected by it, and if left untreated, a decreased libido can lead to relational issues between a woman and her partner; marital frustration and unhappiness for the woman.
On one end of the spectrum, is the decreased libido that occurs due to a specific cause and disappears once that cause is eliminated; on the other end is a condition known as ”hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)” or ”sexual apathy/aversion”. HSDD is a sexual dysfunction characterized by an absence of sexual fantasies and a loss of the desire for sexual activity, leading to marked distress or interpersonal difficulties.
For a woman to be said to have HSDD, her loss of libido should not be due to mental disorders, drugs, or some other medical condition. A woman with this disorder will not initiate sex, or respond to her partner’s desire for sexual activity.
It is pertinent to note that the level of sexual desire is highly variable from female to female. Different ladies respond to sex differently: one lady might be quick to initiate sex and respond to sex, while another may be less of an initiator, but erotically respond well to it. The diagnosis of low sex drive should be based more on her present response in comparison with how she used to respond rather than on how she responds in comparison with other females.
Types of Sexual Aversion/Apathy
Sexual apathy can be lifelong or acquired.
- Lifelong – She has always had a low sexual desire.
- Acquired- If she used to have a normal sex drive but now she doesn’t.
Symptoms of Low Libido in Women.
- Inability to reach climax
- Pain during sex
- Depression secondary to low libido
- Vaginal dryness
- Lack of interest in sexual activity (no sexual pleasure or excitement, no sexual thoughts, failure to initiate sex or respond when her partner initiates it)
- Little or no interest or response to erotic stimuli
Difference between Low Libido and HSDD.
Low sexual desire alone is not the same as HSDD- In HSDD, low sexual desire has to be accompanied by marked distress and interpersonal difficulty and should not be cause by any other disorder. Also, to make a diagnosis of HSDD, the woman has to have had a decreased sex drive for up to 6 months.
Why Does My Wife/Girl Reject Sex?
To correctly answer the question, ”why does my wife/girl reject sex?”, the following questions need to to be answered first.
- when did it start? – Has your lady always rejected sex or was there ever a time when she enjoyed sex; a time when she would initiate it; and a time when sex was desired and you both enjoyed pleasing each other?
- does she enjoy sex with other men? In her past relationships for instance, was sex pleasurable for her?
- is her sexual aversion complete or partial? – Does she masturbate? If yes, does she enjoy it and does she achieve orgasm? Does she initiate sex, and change her mind right before it?
Possible causes of a Low Libido are:
- Recent or past sexual abuse.
Many women who have experienced sexual abuse like rape become averted to men and sex.
- Side effect of Medications
Some drugs like antidepressants and oral contraceptive pills can cause a decreased libido.
- Recent child birth and breastfeeding.
Seriously guys, if you are reading this article because your wife was delivered of a baby 6 days ago and she has refused to ”give you some”, I have nothing to say to you! For many women, after the birth of a child and during the first few months following delivery, there is a dramatic decrease in libido. Remember that this is not peculiar to your wife, be patient and give her time for the hormones and all-what-not to return to normal. She’ll be thankful.
- Issues with low self esteem and poor body image.
These issues can make a woman see herself as unattractive, not just in her own eyes but in the eyes of her partner and the way he views her. This would in turn lead to a decrease in her appetite for sex. When a woman feels sexually attractive, her desire for sex naturally increases, but when she feels overweight, underweight or unattractive, it makes her feel undesirable and decreases her desire for sex.
- Stress and depression.
In both men and women, stress is the commonest cause of a decreased sex drive. For women, work-related issues, taking care of the kids or taking care of you can cause stress on her and this would affect her sex drive
- Hormonal changes.
Rises and falls in hormone levels due to menopause, pregnancy, childbirth or certain ”special days of the month” can make a woman lose her libido. In menopausal women, there is a fall in estrogen level. Estrogen is the hormone responsible for that pleasurable and velvety wetness ”down there”. So anything that causes a drop in estrogen level will lead to vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. Another hormone that plays a role in raising female libido is testosterone. Yes, the same testosterone that makes us sexually hungry is present in women too, but in lower levels. Also, an increase in the hormone, prolactin (during breastfeeding and pregnancy and in some medical disorders) can lead to a decreased libido.
- Unhealthy Lifestyle
Alcohol, smoking, an improper diet, a lack of sleep or a lack of exercise can all decrease a woman’s sex drive. Some of these factors (lack of exercise for instance) cause a loss of libido by decreasing the blood supply to pelvic structures including the clitoris and other parts of the genitalia responsible for sexual stimulation and sexual satisfaction.
- Relationship problems.
Have you ever noticed that when your woman/girl is happy or has a good day, she is quick to initiate or respond to sex. Exactly the opposite happens when she is unhappy for any reason… Including you! Conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your woman makes sex undesirable for her.
- Latent lesbianism.
Women who practice and enjoy lesbianism may loose interest in their male partners making it difficult for them to enjoy or initiate sex with him.
Dealing with Low Libido.
The first and foremost step is to find out the cause of the problem,
- if the problem is relational or emotional, talking about it with her would be the way to go. Try dealing with it outside the bedroom and watch your wife/girl transform into the vixen she used to be ”under the sheets”. The same applies to issues with low self esteem… Communication will really help you both.
- If the low libido is life long, seek medical help as this variant of low sex drive can be difficult (not impossible) to treat.
- low libido due to an unhealthy lifestyle can be corrected by making life style changes. She should quit smoking, ”give up the bottles”, exercise regularly, and eat healthy nutritious meals.
- Low libido due to stress and depression can be handled by helping her with some of the house chores, being there for her and talking with her about the cause(s) of her depression. If symptoms persist, consult your doctor.
- if she was just delivered of a baby, wait!
- Testosterone supplementation. Example- Intrinsa.
- Flibanserin – brand name Addyi
Medicamentous treatment include the use of libido raising drugs like
Alternative medicine Using herbs like Gingko biloba, horny goat weed, tribulus, damiana, maca or hops extract.
Topical gels are becoming very popular as they are fast acting and can be used externally. They increase lubrication in the needed zones and will make sex highly pleasurable for her.